lelesmom

First let me say I am watching the BL and I have to say What Bitches! So any ways yesterday went really well. I went to bed with only 2 points over my daily allotment. I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know why. Had my Benadryl. I was starving and I hurt from the small amount of exercise I did. I came downstairs and binged on a bag of pretzels. I couldn’t stop eating. Then today I tried to do one of the BL videos that are on Demand and only made it through 10 minutes. I still had 9 points left for dinner and I made a stupid decision to eat store bought pizza. I was tired and upset because we are having trouble with our furnace. Did you know a half of a Digiorno pizza is my whole daily allotment of points? Well I did. So I am well into my weekly points. So my plan is to do really well for the rest of the week.

It is 8pm and I still have 4.5 points left for today. I also did 10 minutes of Tae Bo. I am really hungry! Can’t wait for snack time. It is weird to not have the feeling of being overfull. It was nice to get on the scale and only see a little bit of weight gain. I weighed in at 148 today.

Haven’t been on my diet in over a month. I don’t know why it is so hard to get back on plan. On a lighter note haven’t gained much weight yet. I guess I have just had a glimpse of eating like a regular person and it is fun. It would be so nice to eat like a normal person and be thin. Unfortunately that has never been in my genes. Had a wonderful Halloween with my family. Haven’t been on much because I have become addicted to computer games like Bejeweled and Hidden object games. I need to get back in the game. Start doing blogs and ready blogs again. I really miss all my buddies. Hope everyone is doing wonderful!

I have no problem making a healthy breakfast or lunch. When it comes to dinner I am stumped. I have 2 very picky eaters in my house and it is driving me crazy. My husband has a list of foods he won’t eat. This includes and is not limited to: cottage cheese, ricotta cheese, white sauces, mushroom including mushroom soup, tomatoes (even though he loves pasta sauce), any type of vegetable except corn and carrots (I hate cooked carrots), not crazy about rice and there is more. He loves: pizza, spaghetti, hamburger, hot dogs, steak, chicken, macaroni and cheese, noodles with seasoning (as long as there is no visible veggies), mashed potatoes, and did I mention Pizza. My daughter won’t eat any veggies unless they are in disguise and she is really good eating around things. The only meat she will eat is hot dogs, pepperoni, some lunch meat, and meat with taco seasoning. She also loves pizza and has never drunk milk. Two days a week my husband has school after work and I work 3 nights a week starting at 7pm. So sometimes we don’t even eat at the same time. It is impossible to cook healthy and meet everyone’s likes. I could cook one thing and tell them if they don’t like it they can starve but a 3 year old doesn’t understand that and my husband would just live off of Peanut butter sandwiches and cereal. My 3 year old would just never eat. I don’t know what to do. This is an example of a normal week for us. Monday-chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. Tues-spaghetti, Wed-probably nothing because I have slept all day from working nightshift and won’t see my family because I have to be at work by the time he picks Leah up from the baby-sitters. Thurs-probably subs because I am dead from working the night before and staying up with my daughter all day. Fri-pizza, Saturday-pork chops, mashed potatoes and corn, Sunday-probably hamburgers because I slept and my husband has to cook. Not exactly the healthiest diet. Then we start all over again. I honestly don’t know what to do. Never liked cooking. Never learned how to cook. 

I just have this motivational problem that I think we all go through from time to time and even though I haven’t written in a while I still have people checking up on me. You guys are great. For some reason I got it in my head that I could be pregnant and it really threw me for a loop. You know once you start thinking about it you start having signs that you are. We haven’t ruled out having anymore more kids but we pretty much have said we aren’t going to have anymore. I was thinking what would I do if I was. I just lost all this weight. I have a three year old that wears me out in between my night shifts. My husband is still in school. I haven’t quit smoking yet. Well long story short I am not pregnant. Then I was disappointed because I am not because I know the only way we will have another kid is if it is an accident. Very emotional time. I am still less than 150 lbs so I am mostly maintaining but I am not actively doing weight watchers. One thing all this brought out in the open is I do not know how to eat healthy. I know how to do WW but that is totally different. I was worried about how I would not balloon if I wasn’t following WW. Now I am thinking about how to get in the groove again.

This was me pregnant. This is the first time I added a picture to a blog. Just checking to see if I can do it.

This is the first season I have watched the Biggest Loser so I don’t know how it normally is but I am totally addicted. It is making me so mad! There are some people on there that are total back stabbers. Don’t know if this is normal or not. I never really liked the brown team but when it first started I was routing for Heba. She was my second favorite. I had been in her position. Worrying about whether or not I was too unhealthy to have children. Now she is just making me mad. My husband laughs at me because I am so addicted to this show. It is the only TV show I watch. All I have to say is she never had a chance tonight.

I have been so unmotivated lately. I don’t know why. Last Friday went out to the bar. Saw a lot of people I haven’t seen for a while and tons of positive comments were sent my way. Then me and my husband had a wonderful night. It was the first night we have been kid less since I lost the weight and lets just say he was impressed. Then I woke up Saturday and I have just been blah. Do have one thing on my mind but it shouldn’t be what has me down. I will follow my diet for a couple of days and then binge and get right back on my diet. I haven’t even been able to give positive comments on here. Exercise is nonexistent. I just don’t know. Just want my motivation back!

Have you gotten rid of your “fat” clothes yet if not will you?

If you could be on the biggest loser would you?

What is the craziest diet you have ever been on?

I haven’t disappeared. I have been reading the blogs but it has been at work and I won’t sign in at work because I don’t want them tracking me. That is why I haven’t left to many comments lately. I weighed in yesterday at 147. I was so shocked I had to get on the scale twice. That is only 2 pounds away from goal. Yay me! I haven’t seen this weight since probably middle school. But I have decided that it might be possible to get to 135 so I am going to have to change my goal. Being so close to my goal weight scares me. What if I put the weight back on? What if I don’t know when to stop dieting? Will I ever be happy with my body or will I find something else to fixate on like my skin. When I quit smoking will I gain all my weight back? Or what if I have another baby? Will I have to count points for the rest of my life? What if I never get into exercise? Will I just be an unhealthy skinny person? Lots of questions to address.The thing that is bothering me right now is that I don’t have anything that fits. I go around all 12 hours pulling up my scrub pants. I don’t have the money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Then I tell myself to shut up because there are many people who would love to be in my place right now. I know I am rambling but I have only had about 8 hours of sleep since Friday with no relief in site. My daughter is sick so I can’t take her to the baby sitters and my husband has a work dinner tonight. So maybe I can go to sleep around 9:00. Well I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend in buddyslim land.

I just wanted to bitch about my week. I work mostly 3 twelve hour nightshifts a week with a day light thrown in every once in a while. My boss is also good about giving me 3 eight hour night shifts and a twelve hour nightshift. Monday I got up at 0900 with my daughter. Took my niece to a doctor’s appointment 45 minutes away and then on to blood work. I went to work at 1900 that night for twelve hours. I came home, woke my daughter up and then took her to the baby sitters. Got to sleep at 1030 and woke up at 1630 to be at work again at 1900. Got home this morning and managed to get 1 hour of sleep because my daughter is home with me all day. So I have gotten 1 hour of sleep in like 30 hours. Then I have to spread my weight watcher points over those 30 hours. Definitely not easy. I am tired and now I am bloated my daughter has cried on and off since she woke up from her nap and I really want a big bag of Snyder BBQ chips. But I will not have BBQ chips. I am going to go upstairs take a bubble bath and read the Readers Digest.